Crush

I like to consider myself to be a hopeless romantic. I'm not sure as to what level I am on that scale, but I'm on there somewhere. The reason I know this? Well, it dates back to my school days. Kindergarten to be exact...

You see, I've always had a thing for teachers. I don't know why, but it was always there. It was something about it. Just about every year in school, I was head over heels for my teacher. I would even say love. Now, at that young age did I know anything about love? No, but at the time, it was real to me. It was deep. I felt it.

I remember the first one. The summer after I graduated third grade, I looked up my teacher's name in the phone book, found her address, and wrote her a letter in my sloppy almost fourth grade handwriting. I didn't expect a letter in return because I had no idea if it would even reach her. To my surprise, a week or so later I received a letter back. It was the most exciting summer to me as a kid. I remember it perfectly.  I would receive a letter and then I would write back, and then I would receive another! She would sent me free movie rental tickets and a cool prism. She encouraged my writing by sending me Daffy Duck stamps and even my own personalized return labels. I think about how I would volunteer to fetch the mail and how my heart would race as I checked to see if there was anything for me. I just knew she loved me and that I was her most favorite student...in my heart anyway.

I wish I could say that was my first and only teacher love, but it wasn't. In every class, I would hold on to every word that my teacher would say. I felt as if I was the only one in the class. They were always so nice. Especially when they would give us hugs. I thought they were always extra nice to me though. I believed I was the favorite. I believed that they really loved me back.  I laugh at that thought now. Silly me. Did they treat me any different than the other students? No, but to a youngster in love, I felt like I was the only one that mattered to them.

At sixth grade, however, things changed. At this point I am a little bit older and starting to put two and two together. I remember being so fascinated with this one teacher and then one day, on a field trip, she told us she was going to have a baby. Now, I wasn't old enough to know entirely what this meant. I knew that she was having a kid and she was going to be a mother, but I did not know at the time what it took for that to happen. I did, however, feel an incredible sense of betrayal. I don't know where it came from, but I felt it. It was deep. It was real.

The years fly and I go through junior high with more teacher crushes. I am fully aware now that teachers have real lives outside of school. Some have boyfriends, some are married, and some even have kids that are my age. I also realized that the chances of a teacher loving a student the way a student may be infatuated with a teacher was ludicrous. I never forget the first day of freshman year though. It was a new school and the beginning of the "best four years of my life".  All of that logic flew quickly out of the window. Once again, I sat in a desk and marveled at my teacher and convinced myself that she was the one.  I just knew it for sure this time. To me, she could do no wrong. Every word she spoke was perfect to me. I made an A in her class, actually. I'm pretty sure it was because I held on to every word she said.

My friends picked on me a lot when they would know I really liked a teacher in high school. What really got them going was when I would send anonymous "Valentine Grams" or place love notes on their desks before class. I actually think a proposal happened at one time or another.

I made sure to keep that teacher who I wrote after third grade posted on my life. Every few years I would look her address up in the phone book and hope I picked the right one. The last time I wrote her was right before my I finished my senior year in college. I say this in the most humble way possible, but I know she was happy to hear from me. She would be happy to hear from any one of her students. I say this because teachers teach so many students throughout the years, and very rarely do they hear how a kid ended up in life. I'm sure she was happy to hear that I was almost done with college and that I even made it that far. I'm sure she felt like she made a difference. She certainly did.

There's a special bond between a teacher and a student that I think is amazing. They teach us how to read, how to count, how to write, and spell. They also teach us about our country and our world. They inspire us.  A lot of time and energy is invested into students. Because of this, I am sure that teachers feel really accomplished and loved when a student says, "I love you" or "You are the best teacher ever".

I guess I stayed true to my fascination with teachers. Heck, I ended up marrying one. I guess I got my wish after all.. I finally get to fully express my love, real love, to a teacher. I get to call her my wife. She's fantastic and deserves every bit of it. There are times though when she tells me that one of her student's would say, "I love you Mrs. Blair". I then proceed to threaten to find this kid because I know, from experience, that this kid's love is deep, he feels it, and it's real.

Until next time...

-Christian